'Senza Fiato' means 'breathless' in Italian. Sure there are many things in this world that leave us breathless; the wonders of nature, the innocence of little ones, the survival skills of the animals; but what has left me breathless today is a feeling.
I woke up in the morning not wanting to breathe. Not that I wanted to die, I just didn't want to try hard enough to breathe. I looked all around me amidst bright colors, wonderful interiors and bay windows; but all I could see were walls. And it happens often that I just see walls. I reach a moment when the life as I know it ceases to exist, everything is still, and i can hear silence. I lie in the bed watching the walls and I keep staring asking myself why am I looking at them? But I don't have an answer. Then all of a sudden I remember to breathe, that heavy breath seems to consume me.
After hours of staring blankly I struggle to get up and out of the bed. Breathe deeper, wanting the oxygen to reach my brain; almost wanting it to shake my head and ask it to look at the bright colors, wonderful interiors, bay windows. Then I tell myself life is good. It's beautiful. I wake up somehow and look myself in the mirror hoping, telling myself that today would be different. And thus another day begins. Like every other day, not different at all!
But I know that every tomorrow would be a bit different, even if I don't see it. I know it, because I'm trying. My heart is trying. For I believe in what Sara Paddison said:
"When the heart is enlivened again, it feels like the sun coming out after a week of rainy days. There is hope in the heart that chases the clouds away. It becomes a matter of how soon you want the sun to shine. Listening to the still, small voice in your heart will make hope into a reality."
Albeit slowly, with every deep breath.
Keep breathing! Just keep breathing and you'll survive.
xoxo
P.S: For more heartfelt quotes on 'hope' visit http://www.heartquotes.net/Hope.html
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